The Return of My Family

Well, Saturday night wasn't great (story here) and Sunday evening wasn't a whole lot easier. My ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my son have just returned from a month away in America. It was difficult being away from my son for such a long period of time so soon after the events of May/June. When I met up with him after they got back, he seemed so different. His vocabulary has got bigger and he has grown taller and has become more independent - all within four weeks.

It has been a very difficult month. We all cope with grief in different ways. So my automatic response to not seeing my son for a month was the same as the way in which I dealt with losing my Dad and my wife splitting up with me. That is to say that I had put them all to the back of my mind - as if I had lost them my wife and son too. I didn't deliberately do it, it was just my coping mechanism. So, as soon as I found out they were back the feelings all came back again. I was really happy to see my son again, but I felt all those feelings of hurt all over again from the split with my wife.

On Sunday evening, we were all invited over to my second family's house (my ex-wife's family) for a family birthday dinner. It was a fun occasion and we all enjoyed ourselves. But it was difficult hearing them talk about their holiday. I felt that I should have been there sharing those experiences with her and seeing my son enjoying himself - six months ago I was! Instead, this strange man was sharing those experiences. There is now a gap in our lives - a period of time that they have memories for that I will never have. Did they have fun all the time - well, no. In chatting to my wife, she said that they also had a fair amount of arguments - that made me feel a bit better.

It wasn't just difficult hearing about the fun that they had. It was hard seeing her again. There are two sides to my ex-wife. One side that I absolutely love - yes, I still do. Then there is the other, more difficult, side - the side that is difficult to live with and emotionally draining. I know we all have different sides to us and we all have things about each other that we like more than others. I'm no exception to that. My point is that the arguments always erupted, and things said and decisions made, when she was in that other mood. Last night, she was showing the side of her that I love. She had just returned from a great time away, so that is the reason for her mood. She was relaxed, not stressed, and was a delight to be around.

It was a hard evening and we both acknowledged that we had missed each other at the end of the evening. I guess evenings like that will become normal after a while.