Over the last month and a half I have been working hard on my confidence and skills with talking to women. I have been reading and learning more about what makes women tick, working on some decent openers and attempting to get over my fears of feeling rejected. However, Saturday night has put my progress back quite a lot. I went out with a friend to a nearby town, one of those that I had slated in my previous blog post location, location, location. It is the best of a bad bunch of places to go out in, without going much further afield.
The evening started off fairly well - some relaxed chat with the owners of a new bar. Then we went to a busy wine bar in the town centre. As I approached the bar, there were a couple of blonde girls ordering cocktails. I felt quite relaxed and in a good mood, so I opened up a chat with one of them, saying "what are they?" and pointing to the drinks. They told me what their drinks were and I followed up with "cool. So, do those count as one of your five-a-day?". The girl nearest to me laughed, and I then said "does that mean that if I have two of those and three boxes of Jaffa Cakes, I've got my five?". At this point, I got my first warning signal. Rather than just laugh, she came back (not wanting to be dominated) by saying "well, the drinks I agree with. But jaffa cakes are just cakes and they are bad for you". My friend then came back from the toilets and, looking most unimpressed with him, they said goodbye and went and sat down.
That was mistake number one. Now for mistake number two...
I plucked up the courage to go over and talk to them again (a month and a half ago I would NOT have even thought of doing this). So I picked up my drink and walked over towards their table. I was a bit like a robot - I had thought of what I was going to say, rehearsed it in my mind and was going to go over and say it, no matter what. As I approached, I saw one girl turn to the other (both were slightly drunk) and say "oh no, look out!". At that point, had I been my normal self, I would have stopped and said something like "WHAT? You want me to buy you another drink? What do you think I am?" and walked on by. However, I was in robot mode, so I went and sat down at their table.
One girl was facing completely away from me (not remotely interested in even talking to me). The other was sat across from me. I went with my line - "I've only got a minute, I just wanted to ask you a question... would you sleep with Jesus?". I was waiting for the laugh - there wasn't one. So I carried on with the story "so, picture this, it's the year 25 and you're in Jerusalem in a bar and a guy walks up and sits down next to you. He orders you a water and turns it into wine. Would you sleep with him?". The girl facing me obviously wanted to completely destroy me (she was dressed in the shortest dress possible and had an obvious attitude now - she was wanting attention, but not from me). She said "I'm a Christian, that's really insulting!". Not knowing what to say, I said "ok, well lets talk about something else then!". She said "what if I were to ask if you would you sleep with Buddha?" (that's obviously all her little mind could come up with - bizarre thing to say). So, I answered back "wow, that's really insulting, I'm a Buddhist!". Anyway, the conversation ended with her saying "that question was probably the worst thing you could have said to me!". So I just replied with "well, at least I succeeded with something. Nice talking to you" and left.
I think she had decided, from the moment I sat down, to tear me to shreds. In all honesty, the fact that she responded to my funny line in such a way wasn't the thing that hit me most. It was the reaction as I walked up. As you will know from my posts so far, I hate my looks. So having that reaction to me only re-inforced those inadequacies in my mind. As for her mate, her reaction to me was worse than if I was vermin. At least if I had been a rat sitting on the chair, she would have got up and stood on her chair and shrieked or something.
The evening didn't get any better for me, either. My confidence shattered, we went off to another bar (one of the better ones in town). Not only had those two girls re-located there too (and were busy chatting to the Clooney-esque guys in there), but within 20 mins of being in there the place suddenly filled up with men. One minute I was standing at the bar with a drink and the next minute it was like I was standing in the middle of a dense forest. Not just men, but 6ft 5 tall men, all around. That made me feel even more inadequate.
So, not a good evening. In hindsight, I picked completely the wrong women to talk to. Had I not already spoken to them at the bar, I would not have approached. I think the fact that I had had a couple of drinks meant that I wasn't thinking completely straight - I didn't spot the warning signs of the way that they were sitting and their body language in general. So, this could be a message to me to not drink when I go out. How that will affect my confidence, without having a drink or two? I will have to find out.
I now need to build my confidence back up ready for the wedding reception at the weekend. Lets hope the women there are more friendly - if I can pluck up the courage to talk to them.
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