My Japanese Adventure

Tomorrow morning, I leave for a holiday in Japan. I will be there for two weeks visiting my brother and I'm really looking forward to it. However, inside me there are a couple of things that I'm finding a little hard. Firstly, I'm taking my Dad's old camera equipment with me. So, opening it all up to check it over I couldn't help but remember some of the occasions that I went out with him taking photographs. He would have loved to have seen Japan and would, no doubt, have filled up a memory card or two full of great shots. He would have very much approved of me taking it with me though, so my brother and I will get some great shots for him.

The second tough thing is that I'm going to miss my son. It sounds a bit silly - afterall, I'm only going for two weeks. But, this feeling is the same one I had when I went on a trip to Ireland (for 3 days) a year ago when I suffered badly from depression. It was a horrid trip - I distinctly remember being at Heathrow airport feeling incredibly homesick. I was in Dixons when Michael Buble's song "I want to go home…" started belting out of the speaker system. That briefly made me smile and think "come on, give me a break!". Skype was a lifesaver last year - I was able to get to the hotel, boot up my laptop and Skype chat with my wife and son. Boy, did that make things easier. This year, things are rather different.

I think the time of year doesn't help - the clocks have just gone back and it's been incredibly gloomy the last couple of days. Unlike last year, I'm no longer on the anti-depressants and there is no doubt that there will be some hard times to cope with now that I'm off them. To my advantage, my mind feels a lot stronger than last year, so I need to keep reframing those negative thoughts to positive ones. I'm about to close the computer down and go around the corner to say goodbye to my son - I'm looking forward to the hug, but not the goodbye.

I need to remember how far I've come. Three months ago, I would never have considered doing something as mentally difficult as going overseas. Just going out down the road was difficult enough. I'm certain that when I get on the plane, I will be fine. In the meantime - positive thoughts!!