My Anti-Depressant Gamble

I've decided to take a gamble. Well, actually, it's more of an educated risk. I went to see my kinesiologist last week. I have seen her about three or four times over the last four months and she has really helped me get over the emotional pain of what has happened to me. The kinesiology that she has tried with me has involved various techniques including some EFT and I have noticed the benefits.

Last week I went to see her and took my medications with me, to test whether my body had problems with them. She tested my antidepressants and found that my body really doesn't get on well with them. That didn't surprise me - they must have cut down half a forest to print the leaflet with the list of side-effects. Yes, it's that long.

My history with anti-depressants is quite long now. I have been on them since I developed depression after my son was born, three years ago. I came off them once last year and went downhill quite quickly again. In fact, coming off that higher dose was horrendous - I was walking around in a zombie state at times, which became quite scary. When I started on anti-depressants, I was on a 20mg dose. Late last year I went down to 10mg, and gradually experienced less side-effects. When I had my breakdown in June/July I went to see my Doctor and he upped my dose to 20mg again. I very quickly noticed the side-effects of this - I really struggled to get a decent amount of sleep and just felt tired all the time. When I started my recovery (and this blog), I took the decision to go back down to the lower dose. Now I'm taking the ultra-bold step of giving them up altogether.

At the end of last week I went to see the Doctor. I went in, sat down and said "I have been taking anti-depressants, but I want to come off them. I realise that this medication is serious stuff, not to be messed with, so I want to do this properly". She asked me about what my reasons were for coming off them and told that I would be coming off them early. I told her that I had been working on ways to get through my emotional problems and have become stronger within myself. I wasn't going to give her an exact list of what I have been doing - EFT, neuro-linguistic programming, meditation, etc. But, even without that, she seemed impressed and we agreed a course of cutting down on the medication. She has advised me to take one pill every other day for a week, then one every three days for a week and then stop.

I can't guarantee that I'm going to be ok with this. Afterall, last time I came off them I really struggled. But the fact is that I don't want these side-effects any longer - I want to sleep properly and not feel tired all the time. Also, I feel like I can take on the full challenge now and have the determination to win. I've had ups and downs recently - some days I've felt like I've been slipping back down again. But, I think that if I keep going with the techniques that I have been learning then I can do it myself, without medication. The tricky times will be in the winter months, when I suffer from seasonal affective disorder.