Boy, was I nervous on Saturday morning. I haven't felt like that in years - the feeling of nervousness that I can only liken to being about to go into a job interview or big business meeting. I arrived early and walked along to a nearby supermarket for part of the plan that I had concocted. A friend had given me a tip to always arrive on a date with something as a little gift - something appropriate to who the person is.
I met up with my date - immediately feeling a bit more relaxed once I'd said hello to her. Thankfully all the work I have been doing on self-improvement of confidence, reading body language, leading conversations and being more relaxed paid off because she was obviously very nervous and didn't say too much to start off with. Her body language was certainly displaying uncertainty and being out of her comfort zone.
So, what a few years ago would have been a painful experience was much more enjoyable as I led the conversation and made her laugh a lot. We sat at a cafe for a little while drinking tea. After chatting for a while, I decided to spring my surprise. She had revealed that she had done geography at college for a while, so I told her that if she could name the five oceans of the world, she would get a prize (the thing that I had bought at the supermarket). She looked a little shocked at first - even more so when I told her she could ask other people for help if she didn't know. "well, I won't be doing that," she said.
After drinking our tea, we went for a walk around the harbour. We shared a lot of laughs and talked about some of the stuff that we both like (we share similar tastes in movies and TV programmes). After about an hour and a half, we arrived back at the entrance to the harbour and I reminded her that she hadn't yet fulfilled her challenge. So, she guessed two of the oceans. I then stopped a passer by - an older guy. I said "you look like an intelligent person, can you possibly help us out by telling us the names of the five oceans of the world?" He replied with 4 of them. It was a demonstration of my confidence and she seemed impressed. I let her off the last ocean, telling her what it was. I then led her back to my car and gave her the present - a couple of cookies. I then walked her back to her car and said my goodbyes.
It was an enjoyable first date and within 20 minutes I received a text telling me that she had really enjoyed herself and hopes to see me again. She seems like a nice girl, so I will most likely see her again. Though I don't think there is a great spark there, she did tell me that I was a "very entertaining young man".
Monday, 5 October 2009
Friday, 2 October 2009
First Swim For The Tiny Clownfish
After much hard work with the online dating websites, the success appears to be beginning to pay off. I had my first email through match.com earlier this week and, after some emails backwards and forwards, it looks like I'll be heading out tomorrow on my first date for nearly ten years. She seems like a really nice girl and we have a very similar sense of humour. I have some concerns, but that is only natural. My concerns are that, at this stage, I just want to have fun - nothing serious. I'm wondering whether to establish that early on, so that I don't go on to hurt her further down the line - if it gets that far. Or whether just to let things just happen and then approach the subject if she starts getting more serious.
Rather coincidentally, I received my first email from the free dating website Plenty of Fish (POF) a day after the email from match.com. The contrast between the two women couldn't be more vast. While the match.com girl is funny, clever and really nice, the POF girl seems like a rather desperate woman who is living with her ex and is "trying to see if the grass is greener". From what I can see, she likes eating and shopping. If that's not bad enough, her second profile picture is a photo of her breasts (JUST her breasts).
Anyway, I'm nervous but excited about the date with girl number one. Hey, it'll be fun!
Rather coincidentally, I received my first email from the free dating website Plenty of Fish (POF) a day after the email from match.com. The contrast between the two women couldn't be more vast. While the match.com girl is funny, clever and really nice, the POF girl seems like a rather desperate woman who is living with her ex and is "trying to see if the grass is greener". From what I can see, she likes eating and shopping. If that's not bad enough, her second profile picture is a photo of her breasts (JUST her breasts).
Anyway, I'm nervous but excited about the date with girl number one. Hey, it'll be fun!
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Comparing People To Art
Yes, I'm not going barmy, today's blog is about comparing how we see people to how we perceive art. This week I visited a local art gallery. I enjoy looking at modern art - I'm more a Tate Modern man than a National Gallery man. The exhibition I viewed this week was about the life's works of a deceased German artist. I walked around the exhibition and I have to admit that I laughed at a couple of the pieces on show. I laughed because I was thinking "what is that all about? That's supposed to be art?". I really didn't get it - I didn't understand what the strange exhibits were and why they were supposed to be so fascinating.
As I was looking, in a confused manor, at one of the exhibits, a young lady employee walked over and started writing something down on a clipboard. So, using some of my new found confidence in talking to other people, I opened with a simple question - "hi, so, what are you writing down?". She replied that she was taking the temperature reading inside one of the glass-cased exhibits. Fascinating. I enquired some more and we had a chat about the exhibit (the exhibit had fat in it, sitting on a chair, and she had to ensure that the temperature didn't get too high so that the fat melted back into liquid). I then went on to talk to her several times more as she took me around the exhibits.
It was only after the young lady talked about the artist and explained some of his personality to me, that I began to see the art differently. His personality really shone through in the art on show. This got me thinking - the way that most of us look at people is exactly the same. The first impression we get of someone always comes from looks and we often don't try to see, and get to know, the personality inside before reaching our conclusion about who the person is.
This goes along with my experience of online dating so far, and why it isn't really working for me. People naturally go on their first impressions on looks and then, if they like the photo, they try to gauge, from a screen of text, what sort of person you are. As someone said to me, "Internet dating is all about cursory glances without meeting the person". When I meet someone in the flesh, I let my personality shine through and as they get to know me a bit more (if they give me the chance) then they realise I'm a nice guy. But, with online dating I'm not there infront of them to talk to them and so my personality does not come across. Text chat is such a horrible medium of communication, as there is no emotion involved. So, something you wrote to be funny can easily come across as offensive, if the person reads it a different way.
So, there we go. Today I have compared people and art.
As I was looking, in a confused manor, at one of the exhibits, a young lady employee walked over and started writing something down on a clipboard. So, using some of my new found confidence in talking to other people, I opened with a simple question - "hi, so, what are you writing down?". She replied that she was taking the temperature reading inside one of the glass-cased exhibits. Fascinating. I enquired some more and we had a chat about the exhibit (the exhibit had fat in it, sitting on a chair, and she had to ensure that the temperature didn't get too high so that the fat melted back into liquid). I then went on to talk to her several times more as she took me around the exhibits.
It was only after the young lady talked about the artist and explained some of his personality to me, that I began to see the art differently. His personality really shone through in the art on show. This got me thinking - the way that most of us look at people is exactly the same. The first impression we get of someone always comes from looks and we often don't try to see, and get to know, the personality inside before reaching our conclusion about who the person is.
This goes along with my experience of online dating so far, and why it isn't really working for me. People naturally go on their first impressions on looks and then, if they like the photo, they try to gauge, from a screen of text, what sort of person you are. As someone said to me, "Internet dating is all about cursory glances without meeting the person". When I meet someone in the flesh, I let my personality shine through and as they get to know me a bit more (if they give me the chance) then they realise I'm a nice guy. But, with online dating I'm not there infront of them to talk to them and so my personality does not come across. Text chat is such a horrible medium of communication, as there is no emotion involved. So, something you wrote to be funny can easily come across as offensive, if the person reads it a different way.
So, there we go. Today I have compared people and art.
Monday, 21 September 2009
Squadron Leader At Ladies Day
Yesterday I attended Ladies Day at a local racecourse for a friend's 30th birthday celebration. This was always going to prove a big test for me, as I would be going along on my own and would only know one person. Things didn't start off too well - I met up with my friend and his other friends on the train and said hi to him. But the seating positions meant that I had to sit down on the next row of seats back. I had planned to go in there and make an immediate impact, not to sit there and be un-noticed.
We had about an hour's train ride before we arrived at the racecourse and I had planned to use that hour to establish myself as one of the leaders of the group - not an easy task considering I didn't know anyone. So, I realised pretty quickly that I had to make a move. I spotted that there was actually an extra seat with the main members of the group. So, having introduced myself to the two people sitting opposite me and across from me, I made my move...
My way in to that group was with the birthday card that I had brought with me for my friend. I sat down, stretched across and said "now that you've finished studying the Racing Post, here's another challenge for you". Whilst he was opening that, I said "well, X isn't very good at introductions so I guess I'll have to do it myself... I'm Squadron Leader Y". I introduced myself to everyone there, making sure to listen to their names. This was another of my planned big challenges of the day - I'm normally useless at remembering names. But in reading Dale Carnegie's book 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' it says about how much of an impression you can make by just remembering and saying someone's name when you talk to them. So I vowed to do it. That day, I met about 20 new people and I remembered EVERY name!
When I initially sat down, I could tell that people looked at me as if to say "errr... who are you". Within a few minutes it was all relaxed again, and I had established myself. I took my friend's Racing Post off him and started to look at the form, asking the others who they were intending to bet on and making funny comments about it all. By the end of the journey, everyone was comfortable with me and people were calling me Squadron Leader...
So, why Squadron Leader? Well, I made a joke that when I booked my ticket online, there were options for title ranging from Mr, Mrs, Miss to Right Honorable, Field Officer and Squadron Leader. So, on the Facebook page for the event I joked that I had booked under the title Squadron Leader. On the day, it was my friend (whose birthday it was) who introduced Squadron Leader back into the conversation and it stuck.
We arrived at the racecourse and more of my friend's friends turned up. This time my friend introduced me to them (as Squadron Leader), so I had no need to do it myself. Thankfully, most of the new arrivals were female. On the train there were twelve of us and nine were male. The three women were all attached to the other men (including one cute red-headed girl, who got gradually drunker during the day and who I had a lot of laughs with). These new arrivals, arriving about an hour after we had got there, had never been to a racecourse before - neither had I.
I had made it a task of mine to learn as much as I could about the betting process - what bets are possible, where you go to place bets for different things, etc. That basically involved following my friend around (who was very enthusiastic about it) and then learning as we went. I asked questions about the form guides and studied what things meant and how to spot whether a horse would do well or not. I would use these things to my advantage in a really big way...
After the first couple of races I got talking to a couple of girls - friends of my friend, who had arrived a bit later than us, including one that I thought was lovely. She didn't know about what to do to place a bet, so I started talking to them both and told them both to follow me. I showed them which horses were in the race, told them how to bet, took them along to one of the betting places and advised them on which horses I thought would do well.
I really looked like I knew exactly what I was doing - my confidence and energy was flowing. My advice worked too - the horses were either winning or coming in the top three (on an each way bet) and the girls were winning. They couldn't believe that it was the first time I had been to a racecourse and you could see the delight and smiles on their faces when the horses romped home. I, too, was winning with my bets, but that didn't bother me. I was just really enjoying their company and seeing their faces when they won. I then took them along to collect their winnings and spent quite a lot of time with them.
At the end of the racing day, the two girls (who were both really nice) had to drive back home. The rest of the main group went back to a pub back in my friend's home town. There we sat and reminisced. I sat there, as one of the leaders of the group, chatting and having laughs with them all. It was as if I had been friends with them all for ages.
My three challenges of the day had been completed. Firstly, to get in with the main group and be a leader and be involved in everything - not someone who was just hanging around being ignored. Secondly, to remember everyone's name - this took concentration at first, but I did it. I even remembered the names of a few random people that we met there. Thirdly, I challenged myself not to drink AT ALL during the day and that worked really well for me - I felt relaxed and 100% alert and by the end of the day I didn't feel at all tired.
All in all, a great day, and proof positive that my confidence level is improving and that, once people get to know me, they like me. I've also gained a new group of friends and we have said that we will meet up again soon - we all got on really well. I needed a boost after the last couple of weeks and Sunday really gave me that!
We had about an hour's train ride before we arrived at the racecourse and I had planned to use that hour to establish myself as one of the leaders of the group - not an easy task considering I didn't know anyone. So, I realised pretty quickly that I had to make a move. I spotted that there was actually an extra seat with the main members of the group. So, having introduced myself to the two people sitting opposite me and across from me, I made my move...
My way in to that group was with the birthday card that I had brought with me for my friend. I sat down, stretched across and said "now that you've finished studying the Racing Post, here's another challenge for you". Whilst he was opening that, I said "well, X isn't very good at introductions so I guess I'll have to do it myself... I'm Squadron Leader Y". I introduced myself to everyone there, making sure to listen to their names. This was another of my planned big challenges of the day - I'm normally useless at remembering names. But in reading Dale Carnegie's book 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' it says about how much of an impression you can make by just remembering and saying someone's name when you talk to them. So I vowed to do it. That day, I met about 20 new people and I remembered EVERY name!
When I initially sat down, I could tell that people looked at me as if to say "errr... who are you". Within a few minutes it was all relaxed again, and I had established myself. I took my friend's Racing Post off him and started to look at the form, asking the others who they were intending to bet on and making funny comments about it all. By the end of the journey, everyone was comfortable with me and people were calling me Squadron Leader...
So, why Squadron Leader? Well, I made a joke that when I booked my ticket online, there were options for title ranging from Mr, Mrs, Miss to Right Honorable, Field Officer and Squadron Leader. So, on the Facebook page for the event I joked that I had booked under the title Squadron Leader. On the day, it was my friend (whose birthday it was) who introduced Squadron Leader back into the conversation and it stuck.
We arrived at the racecourse and more of my friend's friends turned up. This time my friend introduced me to them (as Squadron Leader), so I had no need to do it myself. Thankfully, most of the new arrivals were female. On the train there were twelve of us and nine were male. The three women were all attached to the other men (including one cute red-headed girl, who got gradually drunker during the day and who I had a lot of laughs with). These new arrivals, arriving about an hour after we had got there, had never been to a racecourse before - neither had I.
I had made it a task of mine to learn as much as I could about the betting process - what bets are possible, where you go to place bets for different things, etc. That basically involved following my friend around (who was very enthusiastic about it) and then learning as we went. I asked questions about the form guides and studied what things meant and how to spot whether a horse would do well or not. I would use these things to my advantage in a really big way...
After the first couple of races I got talking to a couple of girls - friends of my friend, who had arrived a bit later than us, including one that I thought was lovely. She didn't know about what to do to place a bet, so I started talking to them both and told them both to follow me. I showed them which horses were in the race, told them how to bet, took them along to one of the betting places and advised them on which horses I thought would do well.
I really looked like I knew exactly what I was doing - my confidence and energy was flowing. My advice worked too - the horses were either winning or coming in the top three (on an each way bet) and the girls were winning. They couldn't believe that it was the first time I had been to a racecourse and you could see the delight and smiles on their faces when the horses romped home. I, too, was winning with my bets, but that didn't bother me. I was just really enjoying their company and seeing their faces when they won. I then took them along to collect their winnings and spent quite a lot of time with them.
At the end of the racing day, the two girls (who were both really nice) had to drive back home. The rest of the main group went back to a pub back in my friend's home town. There we sat and reminisced. I sat there, as one of the leaders of the group, chatting and having laughs with them all. It was as if I had been friends with them all for ages.
My three challenges of the day had been completed. Firstly, to get in with the main group and be a leader and be involved in everything - not someone who was just hanging around being ignored. Secondly, to remember everyone's name - this took concentration at first, but I did it. I even remembered the names of a few random people that we met there. Thirdly, I challenged myself not to drink AT ALL during the day and that worked really well for me - I felt relaxed and 100% alert and by the end of the day I didn't feel at all tired.
All in all, a great day, and proof positive that my confidence level is improving and that, once people get to know me, they like me. I've also gained a new group of friends and we have said that we will meet up again soon - we all got on really well. I needed a boost after the last couple of weeks and Sunday really gave me that!
Friday, 18 September 2009
Plenty Of Fish? They Don't Like My Bait!
I'm feeling frustrated. Everyone I talk to who is doing online dating seems to be getting some kind of success from it - I seem to be the exception. Don't get me wrong - I'm really happy for them. I'm just frustrated for myself because I'm trying really hard.
Two months ago I added a profile on the free dating website Plenty of Fish. A couple of friends of mine have profiles on there and have been out on a number of dates. However, they have had differing approaches. One has added a profile and a couple of pictures and mostly left it to see what has happened - women have contacted him. The other has been tinkering with his profile every couple of days for 5 months.
The 'tinkerer' has been incredibly pro-active with messaging women. Occasionally, he has sat there sending messages all day - to 30 women or more - and has received 2 or 3 responses. His approach is to use crazy humour, to really stand out from the crowd. Does it work - well, I'm not sure 2 or 3 responses from 30 emails can be regarded as conclusive proof of success. Plus, he hasn't really found a connection with any of the women he has subsequently dated.
I have spent about three or four hours in total tinkering with my Plenty of Fish profile. I've sent messages to about 10 women (I'm being quite choosy - but then, I think you kind-of have to be when it comes to this website). Almost every message has either been read and not replied to, or has been read and deleted. The only exception to that was a reply that I got from one woman saying "very funny, that really made me laugh". That was nice, but when I tried to reply to her again, I discovered she had blocked me. I had obviously made her laugh, but she wasn't interested in me.
So, I've pretty much given up with Plenty of Fish. Match.com (a 'paid for' site) isn't proving any easier though. Again, I've been tinkering with my profile for hours. I have asked the opinions of a few friends and one says I should remove some of the humour, another says I should remove some of the serious stuff and replace it with humour. So, I really have no clue what to do. Perhaps it doesn't even matter - maybe women are just put off by my photographs and never read the profile. So far, I've sent messages to 9 women on match.com. 7 of those have simply read the message and not replied. Therein lies the frustration...
I'm someone who likes to be in control of things and to work on things until I get them right - I'm a perfectionist - that is how I have succeeded in business and life up until now. The problem with this online dating stuff is that I get no feedback. I spend ages crafting a really nice email, only to have it read and receive nothing back. It's a bit like spending ages choosing someone a present for Christmas, posting it to them and hearing nothing back - did they like it? I want to know what put the woman off - was it my photo, was it some part of my profile, does she have too many men to talk to already? At least by hearing some kind of feedback, I can know whether there is anything I can improve and what did and didn't work.
To make things more frustrating, I was having a chat with a friend of mine tonight. I was telling him about how I had an invite to Ladies' Day at Plumpton on Sunday. He interrupted me and said "don't try too hard... don't go looking for love, it will find you when you least expect it". To an extent, I agree with that. But at the same time, if you don't buy a lottery ticket then you can't hope to ever win the lottery.
I could go and live as a monk in a monastery - that would seriously limit my chances of meeting someone. So, it's all about doing the right things to give yourself a chance. I work a lot from home - so I don't meet people at work. That means that I have to take opportunities like the one on Sunday. Also, two months ago I would never have dreamt of going to something like this - to put myself in a position where I'm going to be out all day with a bunch of people that I don't know.
Last week I was talking to another guy, moderate looking, about 45 years old, who is enjoying success with match.com and another 'paid for' online dating site. He told me that he thought that "men have the advantage" in online dating (I can't see it!). Every couple of nights, he sits there and sends a couple of messages (standard, introduction emails) to women on these websites. He is choosy - he picks thin women, of a certain height, who have logged on within the last 3 days. He gets regular dates.
However, I then pointed out an attractive woman across the room and said to him "if you liked the look of that lady, would you approach her to talk to her?" He told me that he had no approach techniques and wouldn't even consider it. "So, you would not say anything and regret it later on?", I asked him. "Yes", he replied. We're back to the lottery ticket thing again... he isn't fully in the game.
So, I think I'm trying all the right things - I'm keeping lots of doors open in the hope that success will come from one of them. Better that than just hide myself away and hope. I guess I'm just looking for a bit of a break - some feedback that I exist. At times, this evening, I've really felt like giving up.
Two months ago I added a profile on the free dating website Plenty of Fish. A couple of friends of mine have profiles on there and have been out on a number of dates. However, they have had differing approaches. One has added a profile and a couple of pictures and mostly left it to see what has happened - women have contacted him. The other has been tinkering with his profile every couple of days for 5 months.
The 'tinkerer' has been incredibly pro-active with messaging women. Occasionally, he has sat there sending messages all day - to 30 women or more - and has received 2 or 3 responses. His approach is to use crazy humour, to really stand out from the crowd. Does it work - well, I'm not sure 2 or 3 responses from 30 emails can be regarded as conclusive proof of success. Plus, he hasn't really found a connection with any of the women he has subsequently dated.
I have spent about three or four hours in total tinkering with my Plenty of Fish profile. I've sent messages to about 10 women (I'm being quite choosy - but then, I think you kind-of have to be when it comes to this website). Almost every message has either been read and not replied to, or has been read and deleted. The only exception to that was a reply that I got from one woman saying "very funny, that really made me laugh". That was nice, but when I tried to reply to her again, I discovered she had blocked me. I had obviously made her laugh, but she wasn't interested in me.
So, I've pretty much given up with Plenty of Fish. Match.com (a 'paid for' site) isn't proving any easier though. Again, I've been tinkering with my profile for hours. I have asked the opinions of a few friends and one says I should remove some of the humour, another says I should remove some of the serious stuff and replace it with humour. So, I really have no clue what to do. Perhaps it doesn't even matter - maybe women are just put off by my photographs and never read the profile. So far, I've sent messages to 9 women on match.com. 7 of those have simply read the message and not replied. Therein lies the frustration...
I'm someone who likes to be in control of things and to work on things until I get them right - I'm a perfectionist - that is how I have succeeded in business and life up until now. The problem with this online dating stuff is that I get no feedback. I spend ages crafting a really nice email, only to have it read and receive nothing back. It's a bit like spending ages choosing someone a present for Christmas, posting it to them and hearing nothing back - did they like it? I want to know what put the woman off - was it my photo, was it some part of my profile, does she have too many men to talk to already? At least by hearing some kind of feedback, I can know whether there is anything I can improve and what did and didn't work.
To make things more frustrating, I was having a chat with a friend of mine tonight. I was telling him about how I had an invite to Ladies' Day at Plumpton on Sunday. He interrupted me and said "don't try too hard... don't go looking for love, it will find you when you least expect it". To an extent, I agree with that. But at the same time, if you don't buy a lottery ticket then you can't hope to ever win the lottery.
I could go and live as a monk in a monastery - that would seriously limit my chances of meeting someone. So, it's all about doing the right things to give yourself a chance. I work a lot from home - so I don't meet people at work. That means that I have to take opportunities like the one on Sunday. Also, two months ago I would never have dreamt of going to something like this - to put myself in a position where I'm going to be out all day with a bunch of people that I don't know.
Last week I was talking to another guy, moderate looking, about 45 years old, who is enjoying success with match.com and another 'paid for' online dating site. He told me that he thought that "men have the advantage" in online dating (I can't see it!). Every couple of nights, he sits there and sends a couple of messages (standard, introduction emails) to women on these websites. He is choosy - he picks thin women, of a certain height, who have logged on within the last 3 days. He gets regular dates.
However, I then pointed out an attractive woman across the room and said to him "if you liked the look of that lady, would you approach her to talk to her?" He told me that he had no approach techniques and wouldn't even consider it. "So, you would not say anything and regret it later on?", I asked him. "Yes", he replied. We're back to the lottery ticket thing again... he isn't fully in the game.
So, I think I'm trying all the right things - I'm keeping lots of doors open in the hope that success will come from one of them. Better that than just hide myself away and hope. I guess I'm just looking for a bit of a break - some feedback that I exist. At times, this evening, I've really felt like giving up.
The Jacket Potato Portrait
When you're feeling a bit down, it's always good to be able to go out and meet up with friends, especially if they know you well and know what you are going through. It can really help cheer you up. The other day, I went out for lunch in my local cafe, run by a couple of friends of mine. I ordered a jacket potato and tuna and they brought me this magnificent food portrait...
Needless to say, I laughed lots.
Needless to say, I laughed lots.
Monday, 14 September 2009
A Feeling Of Warmth From In-Laws
Now and again you receive a comment from someone; an unexpected comment that gives you a real feeling of warmth inside. On Sunday evening, I had one of those moments. My in-laws (my 2nd family) organised a barbecue in the evening and I, as part of the family, was invited over.
When I arrived, my wife (should I be calling her my ex-wife yet?) was there with her new guy and with my son. As soon as she saw me, she said "you didn't tell me you were coming this evening", to which I replied "you didn't ask!". She didn't find that amusing and I could tell that she was rather put out that I was there - she didn't say much to me all evening and mostly avoided me. But then the whole situation with her and her family was a bit prickly with her new guy there. I, on the other hand, was having a great time talking to everyone, making everyone laugh and generally just being myself - it was just like normal family times and everyone was enjoying me being there.
Anyway, I'm straying away from the point. this lovely comment that I received was shortly after I arrived, when I was telling my Mother-in-law about the fun I had at the wedding reception. I was telling her all about how the female friend that I took with me managed to spill wine all over the TV presenter's jacket. She turned to me, all excited, and said "a new girlfriend?". To which I replied "no, afraid not, she is quite a bit older than me, we used to work together, and we are just friends". Then came the comment from her - "shame, I'm really looking forward to you bringing a new girlfriend around". That produced an amazing feeling inside me - her showing that she loves and cares for me, and thinks no less of me, even after everything that has happened.
When I arrived, my wife (should I be calling her my ex-wife yet?) was there with her new guy and with my son. As soon as she saw me, she said "you didn't tell me you were coming this evening", to which I replied "you didn't ask!". She didn't find that amusing and I could tell that she was rather put out that I was there - she didn't say much to me all evening and mostly avoided me. But then the whole situation with her and her family was a bit prickly with her new guy there. I, on the other hand, was having a great time talking to everyone, making everyone laugh and generally just being myself - it was just like normal family times and everyone was enjoying me being there.
Anyway, I'm straying away from the point. this lovely comment that I received was shortly after I arrived, when I was telling my Mother-in-law about the fun I had at the wedding reception. I was telling her all about how the female friend that I took with me managed to spill wine all over the TV presenter's jacket. She turned to me, all excited, and said "a new girlfriend?". To which I replied "no, afraid not, she is quite a bit older than me, we used to work together, and we are just friends". Then came the comment from her - "shame, I'm really looking forward to you bringing a new girlfriend around". That produced an amazing feeling inside me - her showing that she loves and cares for me, and thinks no less of me, even after everything that has happened.
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